Grandma's 90th rap
Yo grandma B
You're about to turn 90
That’s a very old age
But you're in your gilded age
After nine decades of experience,
How are you not delirious, throw in the towel
Scowl and growl, with saggy skin and hypertension
Instead, you pursue reinvention
Had 3 kids, Karen, Kurt, and Kathy
Went back to work, second act classy
90 years of life, you've seen some strife
Violent demonstrations, political assassinations
You could be spent, degraded and jaded
But you're hellbent on your better aspirations.
In 1989, you went to Harpur college
Audaciously seeking knowledge, and ever since
You've stayed relevant
Voraciously reading history and memoirs
Predominantly by women authors
Always a staunch feminist, grammar specialist
Not prejudiced, or stuck in decades past
You're dialed in to the newscast
Isn't it rad how
My grandma watches Rachel Maddow
You're with it, sharp brain, quit witted
Not sittin' in your room watching old sitcoms
You're on Zoom, shopping on Amazon dot com
iPhone, iPad, dearest Alexa
You wouldn’t expect a, 90 year old grandma
to keep up with technology, constantly,
an anomaly, but honestly, this is what I wannabe
It's just magic
You're not geriatric
So tell us, what is it, that secret sauce
That keeps you with it, keeps you boss
Is it those brain twisters, cross word puzzles
Because it ain't leg lifters to build those muscles
It's seldom a grandma, who never forgets
Or tunes in to the Giants AND the Jets
Soft brimmed hat, 9-across, six lettered
My grandma knows that: Fedora
and Duke's win-loss record.
Maybe Chinese checkers, Mexican train
Keeps you sane in the brain
Or a thick slab of butter on banana bread
The key to longevity grandma said
Or it's the Scrabble games, now etched in lore
Forget the eye strain and joint pain
Your life today, is a 90 point play
That's EPIC on triple word score.
Grandma B, this is your legacy forever
It is self-evident, that you are as intelligent, eminent, and relevant as ever
And now we endeavor to be this way too
You've showed it’s possible to be cool, at 90, 91, 92
You've given us more goodies than your butterscotch cookies
Set an example by more than just your apple pie
You are defin-itely a success to behold
We celebrate you at 90 effin' years old.